The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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