Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
