Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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