"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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