If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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