Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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