so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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