For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
