I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
