glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
