This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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