Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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