i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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