My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
