when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
