my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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