I CAN MOONWALK!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
