It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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