I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
