after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
