A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
