i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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