Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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