And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
