9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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