he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
