Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
