i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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