You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
