Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
