I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
