The maid of honor just puked.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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