Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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