Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
