i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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