is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
