As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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