its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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