Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
