and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
