Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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