I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
