this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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