i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
