she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
