Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize