Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
