I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
