apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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