Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
