Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
