arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i came on her dog
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
