Is it because I queefed?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
