I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
