So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
