Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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