You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
