you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
