dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
