There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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