I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
