I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
