yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
