So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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