she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
