I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
