the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
