I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
