Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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