I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
